Some conversations are better with rules

Cari Nazeer
Forge
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Aug 18, 2020
Photo: Thomas Barwick/Getty Images

💬 Today’s tip: Make hard conversations easier by setting some ground rules.

A little structure can go a long way toward making an uncomfortable discussion into one that’s kind, honest, and collaborative. The writer Annaliese Griffin recommends a system called “Oops, Ouch, Whoa”: Say “oops” when something comes out the wrong way or lands differently than you intended, “ouch” when the other person says something that feels bad, and “whoa” when you need clarification or a moment to process.

“The point of this tool is to signal a clear set of values: Mistakes are normal, harm can be mended, it’s okay to not know something, and accountability is a shared responsibility,” Griffin writes. Or you can make up your own — the important part is that you create a shared language for expressing yourselves and holding each other accountable.

📚 More from Forge on navigating disagreement:

Sensitivity Is Often Control in Disguise
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How to Change Someone’s Mind in 10 Steps
Read more >>

To Argue Productively, Meet in a Neutral Space
Read more >>

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