How to Change Someone’s Mind in 10 Steps
Getting your emotions involved doesn’t work. Here’s what does.
There’s nothing more satisfying than telling someone whose views you can’t stand just how stupid, sexist, or racist they are. Especially when they deserve it.
Believe me, I get it. And especially right now, as many of us are desperately trying to change people’s minds on issues we’re passionate about — like the police system, our president, or wearing masks — it’s easy to let emotion carry you. But trust me, this tactic will never influence their beliefs.
Here’s what I’ve learned from more than a decade of studying persuasion: While there’s no surefire way to convince a person to change their mind, you can point them down a new road and trust that they’ll follow it. Here are 10 questions that will help you design an argument to make anyone rethink their opinion.
1. What am I dying to tell them?
To craft the perfect message, you must first extinguish your desire to reap emotional satisfaction. It’s tremendously difficult, but there is a centuries-old exercise that helps. It’s called the angry unsent letter, and it’s a technique that’s been used by Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, and Mark Twain.
