Joint Accounts

When Unemployment Is Killing Your Relationship

Tying your self-worth to your job can backfire

Kristin Wong
Forge
Published in
3 min readFeb 18, 2020

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Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Dear Joint Accounts,

I have been married to my husband for two years. After our wedding, I gave up my job as a corporate lawyer so we could move abroad to be near my in-laws. Ever since the move, I’ve been trying to figure out a new career plan, but being in a foreign country makes it extremely difficult for me to get a job.

We get by on my husband’s income, and I try to keep my expenses as low as possible — I almost never go out, and I keep groceries as basic as possible. My husband has said that I’m going overboard and that I’m going to make myself miserable. To be honest, I’m already miserable, but I feel uncomfortable spending any money we have on anything besides necessities, because it doesn’t feel like mine. My lack of personal income has created a lot of issues for my self-esteem and a lot of tension for our marriage. How do I get out of this downward spiral?

Sincerely,

Jobless in a New City

A job loss can be a tough thing to cope with, even when it’s voluntary. It’s totally normal to go through a period of grieving that loss.

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Kristin Wong
Forge
Writer for

Kristin Wong has written for the New York Times, The Cut, Catapult, The Atlantic and ELLE.