Sensitivity Is Often Control in Disguise
Let’s assume our friends and family can handle uncomfortable conversations
Sensitivity — what I define to my therapy clients as the ability to detect distress in others — is a foundational part of being a person. It can create stronger bonds and a more equitable society. But as a therapist, I often observe how misapplied sensitivity can weaken or even destroy a relationship: Often, it’s control in disguise.
When we care about people, we are extra-sensitive to their anguish, which can mean avoiding certain topics of conversation. Maybe you don’t bring up money challenges with a friend who has a lot of student loan debt. Or you don’t talk about politics with your family because the discussion gets a little too heated.
But avoiding a topic altogether means making a choice for the other person instead of letting them be responsible for themselves. The more you focus on not upsetting others, the more sensitive you become to their reactions until the slightest hesitation or disagreement can make you put a topic in cold storage.
This is how spouses can go years without talking about sex or how family members can only guess each other’s religious beliefs. It’s what prevents the conversations that make relationships healthier — the uncomfortable, clarifying…
