Controlling Others Means You’ve Lost Control
Overfunctioning is a common reaction to distress. A therapist explains how to let go.
Let’s try an exercise. Have you done any of these things in the past month?
- Assumed someone needed help without asking.
- Completed a task your child could do themselves.
- Lectured your parents about not leaving the house.
- Told your partner how or when to do their work.
- Took on someone’s work because you could do it faster.
- Argued with strangers on the internet.
If you answered yes, you might be making yourself overly responsible for others. Some people call it “controlling”; therapists call it “overfunctioning.” And as a therapist, I’ve been seeing it a lot lately. Anxiety has many different flavors, but overfunctioning is one common reaction to distress. And for many of us, the temptation to take charge — to shoo apart the people standing too close together on the sidewalk or make your spouse count out loud as they wash their hands — is stronger than ever right now.
In the short term, overfunctioning can be very effective. We wouldn’t boss people around, dispense unsolicited advice, or micromanage the group project if taking…
