A mindset shift for a stronger relationship

Today’s tip comes from The New Self-Help, Forge’s 21 essential self-improvement books for the 21st century.

✨ Today’s tip: Embrace the idea that you’ll never fully know your partner.

A “good” relationship isn’t necessarily one that feels “safe.” As the author and therapist Esther Perel argues, a sense of security is incompatible with the thrill of eroticism — and desire is fundamental to sustaining long-term partnership, too.

But we don’t need to sacrifice one in pursuit of the other, says Perel: The belief that long-term partnerships are necessarily predictable is, in fact, a myth. “In truth, we never know our partner as well as we think we do,” she writes in her groundbreaking 2006 bestseller, Mating in Captivity. It’s a scary reality to acknowledge, but as Perel puts it: “When we resist the urge to control, when we keep ourselves open, we preserve the potential for discovery.”

📚 More from Forge on long-term relationships:

We’ve Been Married for 20 Years and Don’t Hate Each Other. Here’s How We Do It.
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The Video Game That Made Me a Better Partner
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A Therapist’s Simple Rule Transformed My Relationship
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