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A counterintuitive strategy for resolving family conflict

🛏 ️Today’s tip: It’s fine — even healthy — to go to bed angry.

The holidays can be merry and intense — especially this year, when you might be having some tough conversations with your partner or family around canceling plans. If the stress of conflict is sapping your energy, the best thing to do, Indi Samarajiva writes, is go to sleep.

Samarajiva rejects the common relationship advice to never go to bed angry: “You shouldn’t operate heavy machinery while drowsy, including the delicate machine that is your relationship.” What he’s found is that a fight is a feeling — of not being heard or seen or tended to. And feelings come from our bodies. So, just as doctors check your vital signs before anything else, check on your core needs: Are you hungry? Are you sleepy? Do you need some fresh air? Only after you’ve checked these boxes can you move on to actually have a thoughtful discussion.

📚 More from Forge on having tough talks:

Sensitivity Is Often Control in Disguise
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How to Talk to People Who’ve Been Through Some S#@t
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Three Words You Need for Your Next Hard Conversation
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Former lead editor, Forge @ Medium