Go To Bed Angry
Your fight about the messy garage might just be your body saying you need more sleep
“Never go to bed angry.” It’s one of the most common pieces of relationship wisdom there is, often written in cards to newlyweds or dispensed to longtime couples after a fight.
It’s also terrible advice. You shouldn’t operate heavy machinery while drowsy, including the delicate machine that is your relationship. For the love of God, if you’re sleepy, go to sleep.
Early in our marriage, when our fights were more frequent, my wife and I would try to talk everything out before bed, but I’d end up nodding off in the middle of some serious discussion. So we’d end up fighting even more — while being sleep deprived.
What we learned after having children is that every outburst is not what it seems. In relationships of all kinds, we so often talk about our wants as a source of conflict, when we really should be addressing our needs. Sometimes, my son will be screaming for some toy, and I’ll try to have a serious talk with him about his attitude. I’ll count to 10 and say, “You can’t always have what you want,” in some feeble attempt to mold his character. At that point, my wife will come in and shake her head. “He’s just tired,” she’ll say. “Put him to bed.” And she’s right. His want for that particular…
