Joint Accounts
When Your Partner Has Old-Fashioned Money Views
How to handle tension over who should pick up the check
Welcome to Joint Accounts, a weekly advice column about money and relationships of all kinds. Have a question? Email jointaccounts@medium.com.
Dear Joint Accounts,
I’ve been with my current boyfriend for two years. I’m a woman in my fifties and retired, with a secure monthly pension; he’s seven years younger and works as a contractor. Something that’s been a constant source of tension in our relationship is his old-fashioned attitude about money. When he’s working, he likes to pay for everything, and I usually let him.
When he’s between jobs, though, I pick up the check. And while he’s appreciative, he’s also vocal about not liking it. During those periods, he even wants to see me less because he’s so uncomfortable with me paying. I’ll likely always have more money than him—how do I stop this from driving a wedge between us?
— Financially stable, romantically stressed
There’s nothing wrong with a significant other picking up the tab as a gesture of kindness. But if a partner takes that too far and makes you feel like you’re not allowed to pay or like they have a problem with your ability to…
