What to Do When Your Partner Isn’t Pulling Their Weight With Saving

It’s possible the problem starts with you

Kristin Wong
Forge

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Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Dear Joint Accounts,

My wife and I are currently saving up for a home, but I’m the only one actually saving. Our salaries are roughly equal, but most of what’s in our house fund has come from me, and she seems unconcerned about changing her spending habits to contribute.

I’m especially frustrated by this because it fits in with a larger pattern: My wife is wholly uninterested in anything that happens with our finances. I make sure the bills are paid, I take care of the budgeting, and I make sure we have enough savings. She says it’s just part of the way we’ve set up our division of labor, but I think she needs to know this stuff, and she needs to pitch in. To that end, I’ve asked her to join me in researching the cost of homeownership and what the process is like, but she seems reluctant to do so. How do I get my wife to take more ownership of this financial goal, and to be more involved in our finances in general?

Sincerely,

Ready to Own

II hate to ask, but: Are you sure your wife is also invested in this goal? It’s hard to motivate yourself to do the work of managing your money if you’re not terribly attached to the outcome.

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Kristin Wong
Forge
Writer for

Kristin Wong has written for the New York Times, The Cut, Catapult, The Atlantic and ELLE.