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Joint Accounts
To Rent or Buy: When You and Your Partner Disagree
How to find compromise over very different financial goals
Welcome to Joint Accounts, a weekly advice column about money and relationships of all kinds. Have a question? Email jointaccounts@medium.com.
Dear Joint Accounts,
My husband and I live in a city with a very high cost of living, where it’s unrealistic for most people to buy a home. But my goal is to be a homeowner someday, and I’m currently saving for that goal, even if it means we have to move to someplace more affordable. My husband doesn’t want to move, but he also doesn’t want to save for a home in our city, because he feels it’s pointless. We’re on the same page about almost everything else except for this issue. What do you do when your spouse doesn’t share your financial goal and therefore won’t prioritize it?
— Hopeful Homeowner
It sounds like you and your husband are at a standstill. And I’m glad you asked this question, because for all the advice out there urging couples to have honest, in-depth conversations about their financial goals, there’s not much about what to do if those goals are completely different.
That said, having a conversation is a crucial part of finding the solution. If you haven’t already, you need to sit down and figure out the values that are driving what you want. Why is owning a home important to you? I don’t want to sway you away from your goal, but people often overestimate the benefits of homeownership without considering the drawbacks. Contrary to popular belief, a home isn’t always the best investment, so make sure you research the process thoroughly and know what you’re getting into.
But I’ll assume you already know this — you’ve crunched the numbers, and you still want to buy. There are plenty of reasons for buying a home beyond financial ones, after all. Maybe you love repair projects, and you’re looking forward to tearing down some walls and designing your own place. That sounds like fun! Or maybe you’re just tired of dealing with landlords. I think we can all relate to that.
Whatever your reasons, talk through them with your husband. Also talk about his long-term goals and…
