The Dark Side of Gratitude
Forcing yourself to feel grateful in times of stress isn’t just ineffective. It’s also emotionally damaging.
A few weeks ago, I had one of those days where everything seemed to be going wrong — at work, with my kids, and with my own head, which wouldn’t stop pounding. So I brewed a coffee and did what I always do when I need a pep talk: I picked up the phone and dialed a friend to vent.
After a few minutes of letting me unload, my friend interjected: “Just be glad you don’t have the virus.” A little gratitude, she told me, might help snap me out of whatever funk I was in.
Um… thanks?
I mean, I was grateful. I am. I’m very grateful, every day, that my family and I have thus far managed to avoid the infection that’s taken so many people. I also wasn’t calling to talk about Covid, or anything related to it.
I know her advice was well-intended. And sure, naming what you’re grateful for can reset your perspective. But over-fixating on the “good” can also shame you away from some very valid emotions.
While therapists say the practice of gratitude is a powerful way to improve mental health and well-being, forced thankfulness has a dark side: Toxic gratitude forces people to breeze past their pain in search…
