Stoic Wisdom for a Conflict-Free Family Holiday
A philosophical guide to getting along with your family (and everyone else)
Despite all the happy-season propaganda (sparkly movies about Christmas spirit! Ads populated with families grinning in matching pajamas!), the holidays can be rough on our psyches—especially when you’ve been in the same space with your immediate family for 10,000 months, and/or are negotiating fraught pandemic-era celebrations. ’Tis the season for snapping at your loved ones.
That’s where Epictetus comes in. As Darius Foroux notes in his weekly Stoic Letter, the philosopher had some advice for how we can remember to treat everyone well: “Always conduct yourself as though you are at a formal dinner. If the dish has not reached you yet, don’t be impatient. Wait your turn. When it comes around to you, reach out and take a modest amount.”
Foroux elaborates:
I love this idea of imagining you’re at a formal dinner, especially with people you know. You might be hungry and in a hurry to eat, but if you’re surrounded by acquaintances, you’ll be on your best behavior. It’s a gentle and restrained way of interacting with others, but also with yourself.
Read more here, and remember: Be as patient and gentle with your loved ones as you would strangers at a formal dinner. That sort of behavior will draw you all, actually, closer together.
