‘Self-Leadership’ Is the Productivity Tool That Rewards Your Deepest Needs
A middle ground between fluffy self-care and rigid self-discipline
While other people were managing their pandemic stress by baking sourdough and tie-dyeing their entire wardrobes, I was browsing the internet for stuff I didn’t need — candles, throw pillows, pajama sets, anything that could make the time in lockdown feel more like a cozy choice than a life-or-death necessity. At least once a week, a new dire news report sent me instinctively back to my online shopping cart, as though the things I was buying were amulets, each new package offering protection against my gnawing anxiety.
I eagerly tracked shipments, ripped open boxes, and waited to feel better. What I felt instead, though, was a mounting sense of guilt — for spending money on small pick-me-ups when so many people were struggling, for ignoring the goal my husband and I had set to pay off our debt, for throwing willpower to the wind in the name of self-care. Eventually, I looked at my bank account and decided: I needed to tighten up. This would be the start of a new, disciplined me, one who worked too hard to get caught up in shopping for indulgences, and was too practical to be comforted by them anyway.
