Joint Accounts

Putting Mom and Dad on an Allowance

How to set boundaries when you’re financially supporting your parents

Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Dear Joint Accounts,

I’m in my early twenties, and my parents, who are in their early fifties, are financially dependent on me. I pay for everything: their rent, food, clothes, entertainment, etc. They’ve had some pretty serious legal and financial issues my whole life, which finally got resolved last year, and they’ve been through a lot of trauma. I make a decent amount of money and have managed to put myself and my sister through college, but I’ve also racked up thousands of dollars in debt because of that.

I love my parents, and I’d do anything for them, but I find it hard to establish boundaries. How, for example, do I say it’s not okay to spend $500 on a celebratory family dinner without making them feel bad? It’s not like I don’t have the money, but I do feel it’s an unnecessary expense. But if I bring up anything budget-related with them, it causes a lot of tension and almost always ends up with someone in tears.

Sincerely,

Reluctant Provider

First of all, kudos on providing for your family, especially through all their issues. The amount of discipline and hard work that you’ve had to…