Joint Accounts

My Debt Is Sabotaging My Relationship

My partner doesn’t understand why I don’t want to move in together until I’ve paid off my loans

Kristin Wong
Forge
Published in
3 min readOct 7, 2019

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An illustration of a sweaty woman with her hands out, balancing a fiery dollar sign on one and her partner on the other.
Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Dear Joint Accounts,

Due to some terrible financial decisions I made earlier in life, I’m now very, very in debt. I’m living with my mother as I pay it off, but I feel like I’m barely making a dent, especially because health issues have made it difficult for me to keep a job.

Recently, my debt has become an issue in my relationship. My boyfriend is looking to move to a new place soon, and he wants me to move in with him. Obviously I want to move out of my mom’s house, but it feels financially reckless when I have such a long way to go before I’m out of debt, and my boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand. He’s frustrated that I don’t want to take this next step, I’m frustrated that he’s not being sensitive to my money problems, and I don’t know what to say to get us back on the right track.

Sincerely,

Not the Right Time

FFirst of all, kudos to you for being so focused. Paying off debt should always be a financial priority, and it’s smart of you to want to do as much as you can, as quickly as you can. But it is possible to be too diligent and put your…

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Kristin Wong
Forge
Writer for

Kristin Wong has written for the New York Times, The Cut, Catapult, The Atlantic and ELLE.