Make It Look Hard
You’re doing a lot—and you’re good at it. Stop trying to make it look easy.
Last weekend, I hosted a birthday party for my nephew. At one point, I was shuttling between the stove inside and the grill outside to finish the taco filling for the kids and grilled chicken for the grownups. When my sister asked how she could help, my first instinct was to say that I didn’t need any. Then I realized I was being ridiculous and asked her to grate cheese and chop lettuce. We chatted while we prepped.
What almost stopped me from accepting her offer? The desire to make things look easy.
This tendency sits at the junction of acting okay when we’re not and the way work gets divided up in the home — two topics that I’ve thought about a lot in the past. I was acting the part of what I call Quintessential Host, someone who seems to have anticipated every guest’s need and desire—and this is key—without breaking a sweat or having to try too hard. The role is a trap. It’s about martyrdom and the idea that you only get to enjoy yourself once everyone else has been taken care of. But it’s also a tad controlling. People often truly want to help! Doing everything yourself and refusing to accept generosity, care, and company from others is a way of holding yourself apart and conforming to an idea of how a person should behave rather…
