Here’s What’s Really Happening When You Act Resilient
It’s time to stop insisting everything’s fine when you’re actually drowning
For many of us, a significant percentage of pandemic life has been dedicated to processing how difficult it is to live through pandemic life. We’ve encouraged one another to acknowledge that we’re not okay, made all the intellectual arguments for why social isolation is so crippling, delved into the ways in which being stuck in our homes is breaking our bodies and our minds. We’ve shouted from the rooftops that this is hard.
So why does it still feel so unnatural — maybe even a little embarrassing — to be fully transparent about how not-okay we are? As we insist on normalizing not-okay-ness for those around us, why do we not extend that to ourselves?
The emotional drowning response
It’s a common response to stress and trauma, especially for high-achievers and ambitious people: the idea that at all costs, we must be, or at least seem, okay. I’ve come to consider emerging from trauma miraculously unscathed to be part of my personal brand. I know it’s garbage thinking, the emotional equivalent of the “cool girl” trope. Yet always being okay defines the way I think about myself. My most trusted coping mechanism is denying that I’ve been…
