Joint Accounts

Is My Wife an Overspender, or Am I a Nag?

When a financial problem is really an emotional one

Kristin Wong
Forge
Published in
4 min readMar 3, 2020

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An illustration. A woman rides a wave made of Monthly Statements and money. The woman’s husband holds an umbrella underneath.
Illustration: Justin Cassano

Dear Joint Accounts,

I got married a year and a half ago. My wife has always been an extravagant spender — special outfits, expensive restaurants, exotic trips with friends — and while I voiced my concern several times while we were dating, she always assured me that she knew what she was doing. Since we got married, however, she’s only gotten worse.

My wife has much more in savings than I do, and our finances are still largely separate — we have a joint account for rent and other day-to-day expenses, but otherwise, her money comes from her account. But my job isn’t the most stable, and we agreed that her savings would be a safety net for both of us if I lost my income. Is it fair of me to be upset about her spending? And how do I convince her to reel it in?

Sincerely,

Financially Fearful

II have to be honest — this doesn’t add up for me. You’re concerned about your wife’s spending, but she has more money saved than you do, and your spending accounts are separate. If she’s debt-free, still able to save, and has a totally separate spending account, it sounds like she’s right: She knows what she’s doing.

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Kristin Wong
Forge
Writer for

Kristin Wong has written for the New York Times, The Cut, Catapult, The Atlantic and ELLE.