Joint Accounts

I Feel Guilty About Being a Stay-at-Home Parent

My husband and I agreed it was the right choice for us, but I worry about being seen as lazy

Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Dear Joint Accounts,

I’m currently expecting my first child. My husband agreed early in our relationship that he’d be happy to be the breadwinner so that I could step back from my career and stay home full time in our daughter’s early years, which is something I’ve always wanted.

However, as my due date draws closer, I’m feeling increasingly guilty. I think about my husband’s ex-wife, who has never worked and still refuses to get a job, living instead off of my husband’s alimony payments. Even though I do think our situations are different, I worry about being seen the same way I’ve always seen her: lazy and selfish. I also worry that my husband will come to resent me. I don’t want to abandon our plan, but I do want reassurance that I’m making an okay choice, and to assuage this guilt I didn’t expect to feel. Any advice?

Sincerely,

Scared to Stay at Home

Let’s get one thing straight: There’s nothing lazy or selfish about staying at home to take care of your daughter. Looking after a child is hard work, especially when that child is a…