Joint Accounts

How to Split Living Expenses When You Don’t Technically Live Together

Figuring out the financial split when you spend most of your time at their place — but still have your own

Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Welcome to Joint Accounts, a weekly advice column about money and relationships of all kinds. Have a question? Email jointaccounts@medium.com.

Dear Joint Accounts,

My boyfriend and I have been practically living together, but not quite — I still maintain my own apartment, but I’m almost always at his place. I usually buy household stuff that needs to be replaced (like lightbulbs and toilet paper) and help out with laundry, and he takes care of meals, but I’m never sure if I’m actually splitting things fairly. For example, I feel anxious about the fact that I use electricity and the internet at his place, but he’d never ask me to help out with the bills. How do I make sure I’m contributing my share without being obsessive about it?

— Stressed-Out Partner

First of all, cut yourself a little slack. It’s easy to get too comfortable in an intimate relationship — people sometimes treat strangers with more kindness, respect, and consideration than they treat a partner or spouse. So while your question might…