How to Build Fast Friendships as an Adult

A therapist’s advice for skipping the superficial stages of making friends

Many people crave stronger, more authentic friendships as an adult. But the process of building these relationships can prove slow and frustrating when our free time is already scarce.

How do you skip the awkward chit chat phase and hit the fast forward button on a potential friendship? As a therapist, I’ve learned a few things about building quick rapport with someone.

First, give yourself permission to bore people

We all know the safe topics to broach when you first meet someone. We stick to sports, the weather, and work because we worry that our specific interests, and our zeal for them, will scare people away. But this tendency to play it safe can delay knowing whether you are compatible with a potential friend.

Rather than sticking with superficial chatter, go straight to what excites you. “What do you think is the best television finale of all time?” or “Have you heard about the Pentagon’s recent UFO report?” are great conversation starters as long as they interest you. And if the other person slowly backs away, then you’ve just saved yourself hours of tepid, dead-end banter.