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Feeling Rejected? Look For the Triangles

The relationship pattern that’s causing you stress

Kathleen Smith
Forge
3 min readMay 11, 2021

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Photo: Canva

I’ve been thinking about how our position in relationships can affect our ability to think clearly.

A triangle is a three-person relationship system. At any given moment in a triangle, two people are on the inside, and one person is on the outside. When things are tense between two people, you want to be in the outside position, away from the drama. But when things are calm and content between two people, it’s hard to be on the outside looking in.

You might be in the outside position of a triangle if:

  • Your partner is hanging out with a friend.
  • Your boss is praising a co-worker.
  • Your kid wants the other parent to help them.
  • Your friends are hanging out without you.
  • Your in-laws are visiting.
  • Your siblings disagree with you.
  • One of your parents has started dating again.
  • Your adult children want to get together without you.
  • Your friends are laughing about an inside joke.
  • One parent seems closer to another sibling.

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Published in Forge

A former publication from Medium on personal development. Currently inactive and not taking submissions.

Kathleen Smith
Kathleen Smith

Written by Kathleen Smith

Kathleen Smith is a therapist and author of the books Everything Isn’t Terrible and True to You. She writes about anxiety, relationships, and Bowen theory.

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