Joint Accounts

How Can I Tell My Partner I’m Mad About Having a Prenup?

You can recognize why it’s useful and still have complicated feelings about it

Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Dear Joint Accounts,

I am a 45-year-old single woman, never married, no kids. For the last four years, I’ve been dating a man who was married for 20 years and is now divorced with three grown kids. He’s not ready to marry again just yet, but we talk about spending our lives together and getting married eventually. He always brings up the fact that if we do marry, a prenup would be required.

I know this is a normal part of modern relationships, but I can’t help but feel bad about it. Though I have a successful career as a college professor, he is in the business world and makes considerably more money than I do. I grew up with parents who married young, are still together, and have always shared everything. I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around this notion that finances will be kept separate and we need to go into it with an “escape plan.” Any advice?

Sincerely,

Pre-nope

Prenups carry a stigma, and there are so many misconceptions surrounding them — even if you’re the partner asking for one.