Joint Accounts

How Can I Get My Partner to Stop Micromanaging My Money?

It’s hard not to feel resentful

Kristin Wong
Forge
Published in
4 min readSep 9, 2019

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An illustration of a couple butting heads. The man has dollar signs in his eyes and the woman has fire in hers.
Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Dear Joint Accounts,

My partner and I both work full time, and we both contribute to our household expenses. She outearns me substantially — which I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t I feel that she micromanages my spending.

She knows that I have almost nothing left after taking care of bills and necessities each month. Whenever we sit down to budget, she questions all my financial decisions like I’m a child — why I spent money on this or that, or, don’t I think that purchase was frivolous? And every time, I get defensive and we get into an argument.

Am I being unreasonable? I want to know how to overcome this feeling of resentment before it blows up, but I don’t know which one of us needs to back off.

Sincerely,

Reaching Resentment

AsAs someone who can also be a bit controlling when talking money with loved ones, I can understand where your partner is coming from, and how frustrated she may be feeling. On the other hand, I get where you’re at, too, because I’ve had people tell me how cruddy this makes them feel.

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Kristin Wong
Forge
Writer for

Kristin Wong has written for the New York Times, The Cut, Catapult, The Atlantic and ELLE.