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Joint Accounts
Finding the Line Between Frugal and Cheap
How a big spender can find compromise with a super-thrifty partner
Dear Joint Accounts,
I’ve always been a big spender — someone who enjoys a champagne lifestyle on a beer budget. At one point, I racked up thousands of dollars in debt, and it took me years to pay it off. But old habits die hard. I don’t earn much money, but I like to treat myself and others whenever I can.
On one hand, I know I could be better with money. But on the other, I never want to be as frugal as my partner, who’s an extreme saver. His attitude about money annoys me, and I don’t know if my annoyance is warranted. For example, he takes the night bus home or finds a cheaper but even longer route just to save a few bucks. He’s always looking for the cheapest option, whether it’s with groceries or clothes. He’s not a student — he owns two homes and earns a good salary. He says he’s being frugal, but I think he’s being cheap. As we share a life together, is it possible for us to meet somewhere in the middle?
— Spendthrift Dating a Cheapskate
Someone once told me that frugality turns into cheapness when it unnecessarily robs you of your time. I don’t want to judge anyone’s money-saving habits, but it sounds like your partner might be crossing that line. On the other hand, if you have the opposite problem, you might have an especially low tolerance for thrift. Either way, it’s time for a conversation about your respective money priorities.
To start, try this exercise: Separately, you and your partner each make a list of everything you enjoy spending money on that isn’t an absolute need, from restaurants to travel to expensive groceries, and then rank the items on the list in order of importance. The idea here is to focus your frugality on things you like to free up more cash to spend on things you love — or just to save it, if that’s what you love. (We’ll get to that in a bit.)
Chances are, you and your partner will both have similar items on the bottom of your lists. These are probably a few things you can both agree to cut back on, whether it’s clothing or expensive candles or takeout. Your priorities at the top of the list may differ, but…
