Joint Accounts

Can I Ask to Be Included in My Partner’s Will?

We’ve been together for 20 years, but he wants to leave everything to his adult children

Illustration: Laurie Rollitt

Dear Joint Accounts,

My partner and I have been together for 20 years. We both have adult children from previous marriages. The problem is, he won’t add me to his will. His children are his beneficiaries, but they are doing fine financially.

We’ve talked about marriage before, but if he’s not committed enough to include me in his will, I don’t really think we should be tying the knot. I would like some kind of resolution to this, though. Am I wrong to expect him to add me to his will?

Sincerely,

Left out

For many people, end-of-life planning can be a touchy subject. In addition to forcing us to confront our own mortality, it also makes us think about what will happen to the people we’re leaving behind — which is why money issues that arise from estate planning are rarely actually about money; it’s often symbolic of love and protection as well.

I’m assuming you’re willing to include your partner in your own will, so when he won’t return the favor, it feels like a major rejection, especially after two decades together.