A Therapist’s Simple Rule Transformed My Marriage
Treat your spouse with the same level of politeness you would afford, like, any other human being
My husband and I are both writers who have worked at opposite ends of our kitchen table for the past 10 years — just imagine that for a minute. Because we’ve been together virtually around the clock, we’re at least somewhat equipped to deal with our new reality of Lockdown Living.
For instance: Recently, as we were tapping away at our computers, Tom unleashed what I call a “screeze” — a nerve-jangling combination of a scream and a sneeze.
A few years ago, I would have yelled at him. I have always been the hothead in our relationship. Our fights usually followed the classic, and corrosive, demand/withdraw pattern, in which one person demands to deal with an issue (that would be me) and the other shuts down and walls off. The more Tom glared stonily into his screen, the more upset I would get, escalating from pleading to shouting and swearing.
Then we visited a notoriously tough therapist named Terry Real who gave us a simple rule for getting along, and it completely changed our relationship.
Real (yes, that’s his real name) is famous for his exceedingly blunt language. As we nervously explained how…
