A simple cure for jealousy

✅ Today’s tip: When you’re feeling envious, focus on the things you can’t see.

Looking at someone else’s life through a Zoom window, Faith Salie writes, is a lot like looking through their Instagram feed: You’re seeing a tiny part of a much larger, messier whole — but when the (figurative and literal) messes are out of view, it’s easy to be jealous of what’s in the frame.

Enter a rule Salie calls the Total Jealousy Theory, or TJT: “You can be as jealous of someone as you want,” she explains, “IF and ONLY IF you are jealous of their whole life. You can’t be envious of components (their body, their house, their career); you have to accept the entire package.”

“Some of the things you desire in another person’s experience are a result of a lifetime of their choices, choices you didn’t make,” Salie writes. “Want that incredible house they have? Well just remember about the years they spent getting their law degree and putting in god-awful hours at a firm where you’re frowned upon for taking more than a week’s maternity leave.” The TJT also helps you remember, and appreciate, why you made the choices you did — and sometimes, envy becomes gratitude.

📚 More from Forge on managing jealousy:

A 4-Step Cure for Career Envy
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How to Stop Feeling Jealous of Your Friends’ Success
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There are Two Types of Envy, and Only One is Toxic
Read more >>

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