A clever trick for giving better advice

Michelle Woo
Forge
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1 min readMay 25, 2021

💡 Tip: Instead of saying “Here’s what helped me,” try asking “What’s helped you before?”

When friends and colleagues come to us with problems, we often—with the best intentions!—make it about ourselves. “Oh yes, that happened to me once. So what I did was …”

A better approach comes from author and Wharton professor Adam Grant, who suggests: Instead of saying “Here’s what helped me,” ask “What’s helped you before?” The question prompts the person to use lessons from their past to overcome the challenges they’re facing right now, a skill they can carry throughout their lives. If they’re still stuck after that, then you might share your own expertise. But see what happens when you offer that moment of self-reflection first. It may just give them all the clarity they need.

🤝 More from Forge on supporting the people you love:

It’s Never Been Easier to Be an Amazing Friend
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How to Give a Better Pep Talk
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How to Show Up For a Friend
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Michelle Woo
Forge
Writer for

Author of Horizontal Parenting: How to Entertain Your Kid While Lying Down (Chronicle Books)