Child Proof

You Don’t Need to Put Your Kid in Potty-Training Boot Camp

There are advantages to letting toddlers take their time with the process

Photo: d3sign/Getty Images

Amazon is overflowing with books that promise you can potty train a child in three days or less. That might sound comforting in theory, but in practice it can drive parents — and kids — to frustration or even tears when training doesn’t go quickly or smoothly.

Here’s the news that might actually be comforting: Experts say there are many good ways to potty train, and there’s no need to panic if all the other parents in your Facebook group claim their kids are already diaper-free. When a child is ready, it is possible to potty train them in a matter of days. It’s even possible to do it in a few hours, sort of. But even if you don’t care about your rugs, there are good reasons not to rush anything.

“The challenge, as with many things in parenting, is judging: Is my child actually ready for this?” says Dr. Dipesh Navsaria, a member of the executive committee of the American Academy of Pediatrics Council on Early Childhood. To succeed at potty training, Navsaria says, toddlers need several skills, including but not limited to: the physiological maturity to hold in their pee and poop; the cognitive ability to understand the signals that it’s time to go, and not get distracted on the way; and the motor skills to get onto the seat, get their pants down, and stay still until the job is done.

Girls master toilet-related tasks a little sooner than boys do, according to more than one study. For example, a 2002 study found that the median age for “staying dry during the day” was about 32 months in girls and 35 months in boys. Rebecca Parlakian, senior director of programs for the child development nonprofit Zero to Three, says some kids may need more time to learn for different reasons: For example, a kid who’s very persistent might have a hard time leaving their block tower half-finished to go pee. “What adults have to do is observe and recognize who their kid is,” Parlakian says.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) and Zero to Three both recommend parents wait to start training until their child shows signs of readiness, including a desire to imitate their parents…