Why Vulnerability Makes Us Anxious
A therapist’s advice on how to stop equating silence with strength
When Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently shared her traumatic experience of the Capitol riot, the flurry of criticism that followed struck me as an utterly familiar dynamic. As a therapist who works with families, I often see the pushback people will get, even from those closest to them, for talking about their trauma. In this case, the country seemed to be functioning just like an anxious family.
Our personal level of comfort talking about emotional events has a lot to do with how we grew up. Some families are more comfortable having hard conversations, while others can be allergic to one another’s anxieties. This is why some people can grow up never learning about the trauma experienced by previous generations or how to talk about difficult subjects like death.
This aversion to openness exists on a societal level as well. The more turbulent the times, the more reactive people can be to honest talk about uncomfortable things. They’re quicker to label anyone who talks about their trauma as weak or attention-seeking. And they work hard to put emotional space between themselves and the person who’s opening up, pretending everything’s okay even when it’s not.
