Why Pseudo-Connection Is Killing Our Relationships
A therapist explains how to build more authentic relationships
Distance is a predictable, automatic response to stress. Dial up the anxiety, and people begin to pull away from each other. It’s the reason you’ve struggled to keep up with friends in pandemic times. Why you might not have the energy to connect with your partner at the end of a long day.
But the emotional distance that waters down our relationships can be much subtler than a lack of communication. As a therapist, I observe how people use a kind of pretend connection to maintain their relationships in tough times. Pseudo-connection is contact that stabilizes a relationship without offering any real emotional contact. In other words, you’re talking without really saying anything.
Pseudo-connection can look like:
- Venting about work.
- Stressing about responsibilities.
- Complaining about the news.
- Gossiping about other people.
- Only talking about your kids.
Pseudo-connection is often more about calming yourself down than connecting with the other person. We all use our relationships to manage anxiety, but too much reliance stifles intimacy and makes us more…
