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Why Celebrity Deaths Feel So Personal

A one-sided relationship can inspire the same grief as losing a loved one

Kathleen Smith
Forge
4 min readJan 28, 2020

Photo: Michael Tullberg/Getty Images

II can tell you what episode of Friends I was watching when I learned that my mother had died. But I can also tell you that I was floating in my grandmother’s swimming pool when I heard about Princess Diana. And I know that I was waiting for a table at a California Pizza Kitchen when the news of Michael Jackson’s death broke.

I was at book club on Sunday when I heard about Kobe Bryant. I’ve never even watched an NBA game, but if you ask me 10 years from now where I was when I learned about the helicopter crash that killed him and eight others, I’m sure I’ll remember.

It might seem strange to hold the death of a parent in the same mental space as the death of a faraway athlete or pop star or princess. But anyone who’s ever been shocked and upset by the loss of someone famous knows that it doesn’t feel far away at all. Fandom can trick our brains into trusting celebrities the way we trust friends or family. Especially now that the internet and social media offer us intimate access to celebrities’ daily lives, the connections we form with them can feel utterly real.

So when death severs this connection, it feels like we’ve lost a loved one. And in a way, we have.

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Published in Forge

A former publication from Medium on personal development. Currently inactive and not taking submissions.

Kathleen Smith
Kathleen Smith

Written by Kathleen Smith

Kathleen Smith is a therapist and author of the books Everything Isn’t Terrible and True to You. She writes about anxiety, relationships, and Bowen theory.

Responses (2)

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Thank you for sharing this. It clarifies a confusing phenomenon.

6

I’ll be honest while I can sympathize with these people, I cannot empathize at all. I can’t imagine what they’re feeling. They didn’t know the person. He was a rich man who played sportsball, most of the time for a team in a city they didn’t live in. So while I get people feel this way, I’ll never feel this way.