What You Miss Most Is an Essential Clue to Who You Are

A thought experiment

Amy Shearn
Forge

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A photo of a young woman on her balcony looking outside.
Photo: Hello World/Getty Images

To paraphrase Anton Chekhov and/or The Spice Girls: Tell me what you miss, and I’ll tell you who you are.

Here’s a thought experiment. Clear your mind, close your eyes, and simply ask yourself: What do I miss most right now? Capture the first thing that comes to mind. Not the second thing, which will be what you think you should miss most. The first, automatic thing. And to be clear, I mean a specific thing in your own life, something you can control. Let’s assume that we all miss the world as we knew it, but that’s not in our circle of influence, is it?

In this current cultural stillness, we have a unique opportunity to see things differently — and maybe see ourselves a little more clearly. “This time we’re in is interesting because we’re spending less time and energy trying to look good and mirror societal ideals,” notes Kathleen Smith, a licensed therapist and the author of Everything Isn’t Terrible: Conquer Your Insecurities, Interrupt Your Anxiety, and Finally Calm Down. “The pandemic has drowned out a lot of that day-to-day noise that tells us who we should be and what we should want, the things that distract us from what we really value.”

I was surprised by how this experiment went for me: When I asked myself what I miss most right…

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Amy Shearn
Forge

Formerly: Editor of Creators Hub, Human Parts // Ongoingly: Novelist, Essayist, Person