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To Truly Help a Friend, Save Yourself First
What do you do when someone struggling with mental-health issues needs more help than you can give?
When a friend is in danger, there are times when you can, and obviously should, step in. For example, when a pal chokes on her avocado cheeseburger spring roll at the Cheesecake Factory, you should administer the Heimlich maneuver. When a buddy loses his balance at a pool party and drunkenly falls in the water, you should drag him out ASAP.
When it comes to mental health, of course, there are still moments when the answer is obvious: If a friend calls you and threatens suicide, try to stay on the phone and engage in a back-and-forth conversation; if your friend won’t go to a hospital, call or text 911, and stay in contact until you know medical professionals are present. And don’t feel guilty for any of it. This isn’t a betrayal, and it isn’t about saving a relationship. This is about saving a life.
But helping an actively suicidal friend is an extreme circumstance. And in more run-of-the-mill mental-health scenarios — friends who are moderately depressed or anxious, perhaps, or who will talk about their problems without making a move to get help — the question of how (and how much) to intervene is often much thornier. The temptation to drop everything to…
