3 Things I Learned From My Son’s First School Break
What I did right, what I did wrong, and what I’ll do differently next time.
I was nervous about my eldest son starting school.
Really, really nervous.
After a year-and-a-half of on-again, off-again, but mainly on-again lockdown here in the UK as a result of the Coronavirus pandemic, I was deeply unsure how easily he’d settle in.
As a quiet kid who really enjoys focusing on independent tasks, I thought the chaos of the school classroom might send him retreating into his shell.
Teachers and parents will all tell you that starting school can be quite the baptism of fire for those not ready for it.
So on that first day, I’ll admit I was probably more terrified than he was.
Thankfully, I needn’t of worried. Thanks in no small part to a wonderful teacher and a really supportive environment, he has settled in perfectly well and seems to be adapting to his new routine, and enjoying learning new things.
But just as quickly as those patterns have embedded themselves in his life, the school holidays arrived to derail them.
In our particular corner of the world, after the first six weeks of the school year — which begins in September — there’s a two-week break.
Two weeks!
How the heck was I going to fill that, I worried.
Turns out, this is the first thing I got wrong.
Lesson one: I planned too much
I realise now that I was so concerned about my son being bored that I went completely overboard planning activities and adventures for us.
But I did it with the best of intentions. I mean he must be doing so much at school I reasoned — playing, learning, activities, arts and crafts, sports — two weeks with me was going to be boring by comparison.
And I’ve seen the school playground, it’s incredible.
How could I compete with any of that?
So the week before he broke up for the holidays I got busy. I Googled and I emailed and I called. I sent messages to fellow parents asking for their tips, and I read endless forums looking for the best trips within an hour or two of home.
After a furious few days of activity, my plans were complete. The diary was full. This, I was convinced, was going to be brilliant. He was going to have the time of his life, I proudly thought to myself.
Heck, some of the activities I had planned looked so exhilarating I was as excited as I thought he must have been.
And so it began. We went to nature reserves and trampoline parks, arcades, museums, bowling alleys, and the cinema. We visited three soft play centres, six different parks, and covered about 300 miles in the first nine days of his fourteen-day break alone.
Most days we had to set an alarm so we’d be up and ready in time to fit everything in. And we didn’t get back till the sun was setting in the evenings.
It was a whirlwind. And don’t get me wrong he enjoyed himself. But as the days went by I started to realise my mistake.
And it was a biggie.
Lesson two: He just wanted to rest
Of course, he needed to rest! How could I have been so stupid?
And with that came the dad guilt. Waves and waves of it.
The poor little guy was completely worn out. Looking back, the warning signs had been there.
Since starting school he’d been incredibly tired in the evenings, often wanting to do nothing more than curl up on the sofa when he got home.
And eat. Eat as much as he could.
This is all perfectly normal, and to be expected when a child first starts school.
Even the quickest and most basic look online will reveal all sorts of posts in parenting forums about the sudden fatigue that often coincides with young children starting school.
Of course, when you think about it rationally, this makes sense.
Starting school is such a big change. To go from the freedom of pre-school, nursery, or days with mum and/or dad, or the grandparents, to a structured six-and-a-half-hour day, five days a week, is a huge ask.
Add to that the plethora of new and draining tasks they now have to jump into.
Learning in a formal setting, concentrating, and absorbing all this new information is really hard.
When you add in all the new friends and opportunities to run around and play, it’s no surprise at all they come home so tired, particularly for that first term.
And I’d known all this, but in my haste to try and make his first school holiday one to remember, I’d ignored or forgotten all the evidence that had been signposting me towards what he really needed.
Because what my son needed from his holidays, as much as anything, was a good rest.
Time to recharge the batteries, recoup, regroup and revitalise.
And if he could do that with Paw Patrol on the TV, then even better.
That’s what I need after a week of work, so I should have realised he’d need the same. (Well, not the Paw Patrol, I’m actually more of a Hey Duggee fan).
I learned this lesson the hard way. But it must’ve been even tougher for my son.
On more than one occasion over that first week-and-a-half, he’d told me he was feeling tired.
I should have listened.
But I was too focused on making our time together ‘fun’.
Lesson three: The holidays are a great chance to reinforce what he had been learning
Pretty much from day one of school, my son had been coming home eager to tell me about what he’d been learning.
Don’t get me wrong, teasing details about his day out of him could be very tricky. It still is. As many parents report, your children will be selective about what they share with you.
So while we had to wait for him to reveal the names of his new friends, what his teacher was like, and if the school dinners were any good, he was far more forthcoming when it came to telling us about what he’d been learning.
And this continued throughout his first half term of school.
Though I’d made our first school holiday foolishly action-packed, in the rare moments of downtime, my son would often revert back to talking about what he’d been learning.
This behaviour went even further: he would actively role-play being at school.
Taking turns to be teacher, under his direction we’d act out his lessons and go over what he’d been learning, from basic numeracy to phonics, and beyond.
We’d even do the school register for our own little class of two.
It turns out, the chance to reinforce what he’d been learning was just as important to him as having fun and resting over the holidays.
He delighted in these opportunities to go over what he had studied, and work on his new skills.
I dare say having us role-play his teacher and other staff from his school helped him deal with their sudden absence from his life too.
It was something else I’d failed to factor in. But as soon as I realised how important he was telling me this was, we adjusted the balance of his remaining time off.
All of which brings me to evaluating and reviewing the past fortnight.
For my own work as a dad, it’s got to be a C.
I had the best of intentions, but the reality is I didn’t get things absolutely right. I missed some signals, misinterpreted others, and probably should have communicated with my son more clearly.
And that’s OK. That happens all the time as a parent. What matters with parenting, as with everything else in life, is that you learn these lessons when they present themselves and do your absolute best to avoid making the same mistakes again.
What I’ll do next time
So thinking ahead to the next school holidays, what will I do differently?
Well, I’ll still plan a good amount of activities.
I think it’s really important my son gets opportunities to explore new things, see new places, and meet new people.
School holidays offer a fantastic opportunity for that.
Though I’ve recently made an incredible discovery about time, and how I can get the most out of it, trying to cram activities into a busy two-day weekend is often far from easy.
With the holidays offering such a large block of time, all in one go, there really is no better chance for pushing boundaries, seeking new experiences, and finding exciting adventures for you and your little ones to embark on.
But I’ll make sure I allocate plenty of time for rest too.
We’ll have some early nights, some lie-ins, and I dare say a few pyjama days with some kid's movies, particularly as the next holiday will be over Christmas, which means winter here in the UK.
I’ll also put more emphasis on helping him to embed what he’s been learning, letting him lead and direct what we focus on.
And if there’s just one lesson to take away here, it’s that.
Whether it’s the holidays or not, successful parenting is all about picking up on those signals your child is sending you, and reacting and responding in a way that fosters good, safe, loving, and rewarding experiences.
And it doesn’t really matter whether that’s at home on the sofa in front of Paw Patrol, or 100 miles away on a trampoline.
