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There’s a Better Way to Vent Your Frustration
Navigating the fine line between blowing off steam and stressing out everyone around you
It’s not exactly groundbreaking to say that unloading your frustrations on trusted ears can feel great. As anyone who’s ever railed about their crappy day at happy hour can attest, venting about a problem can sometimes be a solution in itself, leaving you calmer and more clear-eyed about the situation at hand.
But sometimes a well-intended rant can create new problems. When you vent to someone, you’re using a third person — a spouse, friend, family member, or co-worker — to help alleviate the anxiety generated by someone else, explains therapist Kathleen Smith, author of a forthcoming book on anxiety and relationships. Getting irritated at your sister and then complaining to your parent about it is one example. Texting your spouse when your boss is being demanding is another.
In moderation, this dynamic can be helpful, and treating someone as your confidant can even strengthen the relationship. But when a rant becomes too intense, it reinforces your pent-up anger instead of releasing it, which can negatively affect both you and the person you’re venting to. Research has shown that co-rumination, or obsessively talking about an event or problem with someone else, can lead…
