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The Thing To Say Every Time You’re Angry
A simple framework for buying time to think
In this angry, anxious, and polarized time, it’s easy to lash out, whether on social media or at people in your real life. And we often end up wishing we didn’t: One survey found that a majority of social media users had posted something they regretted.
So buy yourself time — not just to calm down (though that is helpful!) but to formulate a response that achieves your goals with the least collateral damage.
Repeat these sentences every time you’re angry: “Let me process that. I’ll get back to you.” Remove yourself from the situation, whether for just a minute or (if necessary) for longer. Then, proceed to “process” and formulate a response with this simple, three-question framework:
Will I care about this in a year?
This dials down the temperature, because very few things turn out to matter in the long run. In 12 months, you will not remember the person who yelled at you for parking in the wrong spot, the hot email from a colleague claiming your report was riddled with grammatical errors (but which, humorously, used the wrong form of its/it’s), or that your neighbors brought the kids back an hour later than they said they would. You will definitely not remember a sarcastic social media comment. If you are not convinced of this truth, try to remember what you were in a snit about on today’s date a year ago. Drawing a blank? That’s the point.
Now, use the time you’ve bought to bring yourself, mentally, to a place of abundance. Perhaps the reason this interaction won’t matter in the long run is because your life is pretty good. You’re financially secure enough to shrug off an annoying fine; you just got promoted, so one client’s complaints won’t dominate your company’s view of you. Or perhaps you can remind yourself that in addition to the person who irked you, you have loving friends and family you can turn to for support. This place of confidence is a great position from…
