The One Thing to Remember on Your First Day at a New Job

This rite of passage says very little about your workplace and its people

Photo: ljubaphoto/Getty Images

When I’m nervous, I tend to move quickly. If I’m speaking, I start walking to the podium before I’m finished being introduced. If I’m at an important lunch, I eat too fast. And, apparently, if I’m starting a new job, I introduce myself to co-workers in the men’s room before I’ve even arrived at my desk because that’s exactly what happened on my first day at Esquire.

The encounter went like this:

[Two men at the urinals.]

Hi!

Hi.

[I flush. Start washing my hands.]

I’m Ross.

Bob.

[Bob flushes. Starts washing his hands.]

It’s my first day.

Oh?

Yeah. I’m the research director at Esquire.

Ah.

[As we’re drying off our hands, I reach out to shake Bob’s hand. Without any alternative and with a bemused expression, Bob shakes my hand.]

Now, there are many unwritten social rules for the men’s room at the office: You may look north-south, not east-west. No fine grooming. And no shaking…