The Next Time Someone Asks How You Are, Be a Little Vulnerable
We confide in strangers more often than we realize
Over the past 13 months, “How are you?” has felt more and more like a ridiculous question — and yet I’ve asked it more times than I can count, to virtually everyone I’ve seen. It’s a socially conditioned reflex; even when we know the answer is “Not well, bitch,” we can’t help but ask.
And just as deeply ingrained is the meaningless reply: “Fine” or “Okay, given the circumstances” or “Hanging in there!” I have said some form of this answer while decidedly not hanging in there. I’ve heard it from people I knew for a fact were not fine.
Sure, there are times when the conversation needs to be hurried along and the “How are you?” is meant purely as a courtesy rather than an invitation. But there are other instances, with a friend, a family member, or even a stranger, where “How are you?” should evoke an honest response.
The social researcher Brene Brown has found that the key ingredient in connection is vulnerability. That might mean asking for what you really need in a relationship, being in a position where you could be rejected or criticized professionally or personally, or exposing yourself emotionally.
