The Cure for Toxic Positivity
‘Hang in there!’ can do more harm than good
When my dad was diagnosed with colon cancer at age 52, I was flooded with emails, calls, and in-person pep talks from friends and acquaintances. Anyone who’d ever met me, it seemed, was eager to offer up a platitude. “Think positive,” they told me. “It will be okay. He’ll get through this.”
But his cancer didn’t go away, and neither did the deluge of optimism that flowed over both of us — my dad, the patient, and me, his sole caregiver. It was wearing him down, and me along with him.
During one visit, family acquaintances kept steering the conversation back to a supposed Amazonian miracle cure they’d read about. My dad should try it, they said. You never know. When I pointed out that he wasn’t exactly in a condition to travel to South America, they suggested I go hunt it down and bring it back.
That was when I finally snapped and asked them to leave.
Relentless focus on positivity isn’t just ineffective. Research has shown that it’s actually harmful.
I know they were well-meaning. Everyone who offered us encouragement was. I also know I’ve done the same thing over the years, insisting to loved ones going through a hard time that…
