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The Best Phrase to Support Someone Who’s Struggling
Two words for an instant dose of empathy
I have a friend whose best quality is seeing all sides of a situation. That Switzerland-level neutrality comes in handy when I need an objective opinion about a potential haircut, but when I come home and my haircut looks nothing like I expected? In that case, “Your hairdresser probably didn’t mean to give you a bowl cut” is probably the most annoying response I can imagine. I want my friend to see and embrace my side of the story––not necessarily to agree with my opinion about the hairdresser or salon, but to validate that yes, this experience sucks.
The other day on Instagram, one of my favorite follows––the therapist Lindsay Braman––captured the importance of this type of validation in a post about how to stave off shame (in this case, in a conversation with your partner). “Neutrality on the part of a listener makes shame grow bigger,” she wrote. In other words, your objectivity, well-meaning as it is, could make another person feel like their emotions are too much.
Braman’s proposed solution? Instead of chiming in with another perspective or even simply nodding your head in agreement, try mirroring the other person’s struggle with the words “of course”––a simpler way of expressing “Yes, it makes total sense that you feel or think this…
