The Way You’re Communicating Might Be Messing Up Your Relationships
Don’t just talk to each other. Talk about how you talk to each other.
Imagine this interaction between a couple, Tim and Maya.
Tim says: “Hey, the window’s open.”
“Get up and shut it yourself,” Maya replies.
Whoa. Hold up. What happened here?
Maybe Tim did want Maya to close the window, and this was his way of telling her that. Or maybe he was simply observing that the window was open, but Maya responded so quickly to the first possibility that she didn’t have time to consider the second. Now they’re both upset. For days they’ve been snapping at each other, their irritation set off by one instance of potentially crossed wires.
How would things have been different if Tim and Maya had taken the time to talk about how they communicate? This concept is called meta-communication, which the late anthropologist Gregory Bateson defined as “communication about communication.” Every message we send to others, including the people we love, can mean different and often contradictory things depending on how it’s interpreted. Understanding this and then working on communicating more clearly can prevent misunderstandings and improve your relationships.
