Sign in

A publication from Medium on personal development.


In Forge. More on Medium.

Advice for allies of all races and backgrounds

Photo: RINGO CHIU/Getty Images

Given the massacre in Atlanta this week, during a time of escalating violence against Asian Americans, people of all backgrounds are once again wondering how to help. We’re upset and we’re horrified. Sharing posts on social platforms is easy, and to be clear, elevating Asian American voices is an important thing for everyone to do right now — but dismantling white supremacy takes more than a retweet here and there.

Here are four things you can do right now to help in a meaningful way:

Medium’s Yasmin Tayag interviewed San Francisco State University sociologist Russell Jeung for the Coronavirus Blog

If you’re searching for a pandemic-safe way to meaningfully observe this Martin Luther King Day, the writer Miyah Byrd has compiled a list of ways for anyone to apply their…

How perfectionism can undermine the work of dismantling White supremacy culture

Photo: AlenaPaulus/Getty Images

In the aftermath of the murder of George Floyd in my neighborhood, I wrote about my experience as a White mother talking to my White children about race, justice, and how we can do what’s right. I shared how I was worried about getting these conversations wrong, but that I knew I had to start them anyway.

Many fellow parents reached out to me, all saying some version of the same thing: They, too, had been so worried about fumbling, and saying the wrong thing, and not being able to answer hard questions that they’ve avoided this conversation with their…

The New Self-Help

There’s a reason only white children are taught to be ‘color-blind’

This story is part of The New Self-Help: 21 Books for a Better You in the 21st Century.

As a child, I could never understand why white parents would shush their children whenever they used the word Black to describe a Black person. “Don’t say that! It’s rude!” they would say in hushed tones, embarrassed that their child had said something that was apparently offensive.

But what made it offensive? I was Black. This was an observation of difference, not a derogatory judgment. How were they supposed to refer to me?

Color blindness as an act of erasure

Young children understand that the idea of “we don’t…

“When’s the last time you made your pleasure a priority?”

That’s the question Jolie A. Doggett asks to kick off The Pleasure Principle on our sister publication ZORA, a collection of stories about solo sex, self-pleasure, and self-love. The project’s title is a nod to the iconic Janet Jackson song, and is especially timely in the era of Cardi B And Megan Thee Stallion’s unapologetic anthem to female pleasure, WAP.

But pleasuring oneself is not always a simple proposition. As Morgan Jerkins admits in a beautiful essay about the time she quit an orgasmic breathwork class: “I don’t know what…

It’s a good-faith expression of expecting better

Photo: Epoxydude/Getty Images

There’s a lot to be angry about right now: A global pandemic given free rein in the United States by callous and incompetent leadership. A righteous uprising against anti-Blackness and state-sanctioned brutality met with more brutality and martial law. Millions of people squeaking by on unemployment, many of whom may now also be facing eviction. The upcoming start of a school year that holds worrisome unknowns, particularly for the most vulnerable among us.

Despite all the reasons to feel angry, I find in my therapy practice that it is somewhat rare for my clients to bring their anger into the…

Who We’ll Be After This

I realize I need to show up as a Latina, because otherwise we all miss out

Photo: Morsa Images / Getty Images

Being “multiethnic” in today’s America is a little bit like being invisible and eavesdropping on someone’s conversation, except that in this case, I’m part of the conversation and people are saying these things right to my face.

I identify as Latina; my father is Puerto Rican and my mother is White. My appearance — my existence — confuses some people. My ethnicity is immediately obvious to other people in the Latinx community, who approach me and begin speaking Spanish. …


The pandemic and anti-Black violence have our Black family reconsidering what home means to us

Photo: Tony Anderson/Getty Images

It’s a common refrain these days, especially among Black Americans: “I’ve just got to get out of this country.” But how do you actually find a new home abroad? After years of nomadic living, my family and I have recently found a place to settle, and so I can tell you this much: You have to ask yourself a couple of serious questions first — mostly about yourself.

What are you trying to solve for in your personal life?

What is your current life missing? …

An assertive White person’s guide to supporting, not leading

Photo: Ira L. Black/Corbis/Getty Images

No matter what our political beliefs or income levels are, White people share the experience of being centered in American life. When we do protest, it’s often to protect systems that keep us there, whether we’re protesting anti-discrimination laws to correct unfair hiring practices or measures meant to protect public health.

Because of this, those eager to see a racially equitable society, myself included, have felt unsure about how to best support the Black Lives Matter movement. Do we post on social media or stay quiet to let other voices be heard? …

Common traps in the quest for racial justice, and what to do instead

Photo: Chandan Khanna / Getty Images

This great awakening we are in is, no doubt, a great thing. As the realities of systemic racism take center stage, and white people join the fight against racial injustice, I am filled with hope for the new world that we are creating.

But in the midst of it all, I’m seeing actions performed in the name of allyship that are at best unhelpful and at worst actively harmful to the very people they are meant to support. Here are the five most common traps I see, and some suggestions for what you can do instead.

It’s important for me…


A publication from Medium on personal development.

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store