🧽 Talk to your partner every day about who’s doing what tasks.
The division of household chores can be a sore spot for even the happiest couples. One simple solution comes via Don and Carrie Cole, therapists and master trainers with the Gottman Institute, a relationship-focused research organization: Have daily check-ins to ensure that each of you feels okay about who’s doing what household tasks.
All happy couples are alike — or at least, the happiest couples tend to have something in common, which is that they’re either fairly egalitarian or they’re seeking to be.
Relationships with fairer divisions of labor aren’t just happier; they’re also more stable and healthy, more fun, and more intimate. And research has shown that most people would prefer to equally share the labor of work and home — even though, as the past year has laid bare, that’s rarely how things shake out in practice. …
My husband, Josh, is a politics reporter. On January 2, he flew to Atlanta to cover the Senate elections, then went straight on to Washington, D.C., where he stayed through the inauguration. I was alone with the kids for three weeks. We were fine! I treated us to a meal delivery service and was amazed at how much space I had in my brain when I didn’t have to think about what to make for dinner. But what’s more interesting is how we coped after he returned home.
Even though Josh had been the only guest in his Washington hotel…
Co-authored by Rob Cottingham
It’s our 20th wedding anniversary. This feels like both a blessing and an achievement, and we wanted to celebrate by sharing what we’ve learned — and what we’ve recognized in retrospect — about how to make a marriage work over the long haul.
The truth is, happiness in marriage is largely a function of choosing the right person in the first place. (It tells you a lot about our compatibility that we both thought that writing a marriage guide would be a fun way to spend our anniversary.) …
My husband and I are both writers who have worked at opposite ends of our kitchen table for the past 10 years — just imagine that for a minute. Because we’ve been together virtually around the clock, we’re at least somewhat equipped to deal with our new reality of Lockdown Living.
For instance: Recently, as we were tapping away at our computers, Tom unleashed what I call a “screeze” — a nerve-jangling combination of a scream and a sneeze.
Dear Joint Accounts,
I got married a year and a half ago. My wife has always been an extravagant spender — special outfits, expensive restaurants, exotic trips with friends — and while I voiced my concern several times while we were dating, she always assured me that she knew what she was doing. Since we got married, however, she’s only gotten worse.
My wife has much more in savings than I do, and our finances are still largely separate — we have a joint account for rent and other day-to-day expenses, but otherwise, her money comes from her account. But…
I’m writing this from atop a futon in New Orleans that I’ve been paying $26 a night to sleep on. I’ve spent the last two days people-watching in the French Quarter, hiking through swampy state parks, and sipping drinks named after both natural and human-made disasters.
At a seafood stand in a rural area, I approached a couple that reminded me of my parents. I had some questions about my walking route that only a local would know, and they looked like people I could trust with the truth that I was traveling alone.
Predictably, the husband’s jaw dropped. He…
Like everyone on my Twitter feed, I recently read (and loved) Taffy Brodesser-Akner’s novel of midlife marital strife, Fleishman Is in Trouble. It was as good as everyone said it was: the murderously sharp observations, the nuanced characters, and what anthropologists should one day recognize as a near-complete catalogue of women’s workout tank-top slogans in the early 21st century.
I read it on my Kindle, which tallies the number of fellow readers who have highlighted certain passages of a book. …
Dear Joint Accounts,
Two years ago, my husband and I bought our first home and almost immediately regretted it. Our home required so much fixing up (and still does) that it’s become a major added stress in both our lives.
We’re so miserable that even though moving wouldn’t be financially advantageous, I think it’s worth it. My husband disagrees — he thinks that we’re too financially tied to the house, even though the stress is putting a strain on our relationship. Am I being too shortsighted on this? Or is he being stubborn?
Bring on the Packing Boxes
“Do something!” I said, desperately.
“It’s done,” my husband replied.
This is our marriage in Overcooked 2: Carnival of Chaos. We found the video game at the end of a quest for a shared indoor activity. As a pair of neurotic overachievers, we spend many of our nonworking hours trying not to fret about our jobs.
My husband tends to worry about whether everyone is secretly disappointed with him, and I about whether I’ve relinquished too much control or put myself into circumstances that I can’t succeed in. …
A publication from Medium on personal development.