I think things are fairly equal in my marriage. I make most of the money. My husband does almost all of the cooking and more of the daily child care than I do. I run admin. He deals with lawn and car things. The rest we tag-team in a haphazard way that mostly works out. Still, we argue over division of labor, and we both spend some time feeling put upon.
But lately, I’ve come to believe that feeling resentful about the work I do at home is distracting me from my real source of stress: capitalism.
If you’re taking a break from working right now, how are you feeling?
Do you feel vaguely unproductive? A little guilty for resting? Is your brain saying: If you get back to work and produce you’ll feel fulfilled?
That’s internalized capitalism for you. Capitalism is a centuries-old system, but considering how the Covid-19 pandemic has transformed the economy and many people’s employment situations, it’s not surprising if you find yourself feeling this sting acutely.
No matter how I face each of these strange days, something feels off. On days when I feel creative, lucid, and even thankful for some of the side effects of this great global pause — usually on weekends when I ignore the news — I also feel a twinge of guilt. I should be thinking about death counts, government failings, and wealth disparities instead of reading about ancient Indian breathing techniques or delighting in the scent of wisteria on my neighborhood walks, shouldn’t I?
And then, on the days when I’m despondent, low, and depressed, I chastise myself for feeling…
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