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Guide To Google Drive

How Ranking Your Friendships Can Make You a Better Friend

Make new friends, but sort the old ones into a 15-tier spreadsheet

Lauren Larson
Forge
Published in
5 min readOct 7, 2020

Light blue filtered photo of Zoom call with many faces and Google Drive icons in the foreground.
Photo illustration; Image source: Alistair Berg/Getty Images

This piece is part of How Google Drive Can Make Every Corner of Your Life Easier

First I organized my spices. Then I organized my friends.

In the early days of the pandemic, facing a glut of alone time and not yet numbed to the chaos, I resolved to get my shit together. Besides alphabetizing my spices, I Kondo’d my socks and cleaned the grout in my shower. I filed away over 200 items in the “Miscellany” folder on my computer — the doodad drawer of desktops. But I still felt no peace.

My home was optimized, but my personal life was a kaleidoscope of anxieties. In some ways the pandemic had eased social anxiety: Nobody was at a bar without me. But all my conversations had gone digital, and digital chitchat stresses me out big time.

I overthink every text message and Slack: If someone doesn’t respond immediately, they’re mad at me. If they don’t use exclamation points, they’re mad at me. My pandemic interactions were constant but ungratifying — my friends and family had been reduced to a slew of notifications. At all times, I felt like I was both neglecting my loved ones and being neglected. I had to triage.

I think often about a 2018 essay in which writer Mary Traina shared some post-breakup advice her father had given her: “It happens, kiddo,” he told her, “You guys were great and I liked him, but now you’ve sorted him and you have to move on.”

The idea that you don’t have to give someone space in your mind — that you can simply sort them into another category — was so seductive to me.

The need to prioritize the people in your life who matter most has never been greater than in quarantine: Everyone is going through something, and your friends and family need your unfettered support. Besides which, one can only do so many…

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Forge
Forge

Published in Forge

A former publication from Medium on personal development. Currently inactive and not taking submissions.

Lauren Larson
Lauren Larson

Written by Lauren Larson

Gossip-at-large. Writing in GQ, Men’s Health, Allure, Bon Appétit, here, there, everywhere

Responses (4)

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I agree on one level; I do the same thing.
But I use Dunbar Circles to categorize the people in my life.
The innermost circle has my 3 - 5 loved ones. These are the few that get about 50% of my time and energy.
The next circle has my best friends…

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Question for you, where do you rank family that you aren't super close to?

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I have when I’m leaning over the sink eating dry Grape-Nuts on a Friday night.

This struck me as a very "Bridget Jones" type sentence--I could hear it in her voice. I really like your writing style and the subtle humour.

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