Quit Entering Races You Can’t Win

What happens when you admit you’re far, far away from the finish line

Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

I recently bid farewell to my therapist who is retiring. As we looked back our five years of on-and-off sessions, I came upon a theme that summed up our work together: I no longer enter races that I can’t win.

In my own life, my habit of entering such races was a badge of honor. I was a perfectionist, an overachiever, a person who thought she could outsmart the whims of the universe if she just planned, organized, and worked hard enough. I did this is my work life, in my relationships, and even with tasks as mundane as household chores.

Indeed, life is full of these kinds of races:

• Trying doggedly to fix a relationship with a person who has no interest in personal growth, emotional honesty, or an acceptance of the fact that long-term, meaningful relationships take work.
• Trying to keep the natural (and beautiful) process of aging at bay in a culture that prizes newness and youth.
• Resolving to take a day off or a vacation once you’ve reached the bottom of your to-do list, despite your creeping sense of dread that there is no bottom.
• Climbing the ladder of professional career success, certain that the next…