The New Self-Help

Punishment Is Never Justice

There’s a better way to heal from harm

This story is part of The New Self-Help: 21 Books for a Better You in the 21st Century.

I have seen people doxed and stalked, both online and in person. I have been stalked, by someone I had never met or spoken to, because they perceived me to be “abusing” them by not responding to a Facebook friend request. I have seen my friends spread rumors about others in my extended community, advocating for shunning and ostraciza­tion over allowing ideological disagreements. On rare occasions, I have seen activists encourage the physical beating of abusive people among us.

As a whole, we as human beings have a tendency to escalate rather than de-escalate conflict. In our (rightful) desire to ensure that harm is not minimized or ignored, we use inflammatory language, binary concepts of right and wrong, and oversimplified narratives that, more often than not, increase tension and heighten rage and shame.

We do not ask the questions that are central to transformative justice: Why has harm occurred? Who is responsible (beyond the individual perpetrator — as in, how is community implicated)? How can this harm be prevented in the future?